Recovery from major surgery is hard. While that may not come as a surprise to many, it’s so much tougher than I had imagined. I imagined I would enjoy resting, with my feet up most of the time, binging on Netflix, Coke Zero and chocolate. I thought of the after school hours snuggled in bed with Cheeky Chap watching CBeebies, or lying on my bed while he played in the garden. I had images in my head of enjoying take aways in bed (the ultimate in revelling in the fact you have to rest, surely?) and having my demands met whenever the husband is home, only having to look out for myself and Cheeky Chap a few hours each afternoon.
The reality has been different. Sure, there has been Netflix, Coke Zero and chocolate but it’s not been as enjoyable as I imagined.
It’s been sore, uncomfortable, tiring, emotional. And it’s only just shy of three weeks after the operation and it is a long recovery period. Some people take a year or even more.
I know not even three weeks is not a long time but I am impatient. I want to be better now. I want to be able to pick up my son from school every day; just like it is the husband’s thing to take him each morning, it is my thing to collect him each afternoon. I want to be able to sleep for more than two or three hours at a time.
The pain itself is manageable but I feel a huge sense of discomfort, of unease. I can’t seem to stop eating and right now I currently look about six months pregnant; given last week I was almost at my goal weight that’s rather disappointing. I want to get back on the fasting wagon but I am unsure whether that is advisable just yet or even realistic. Am I eating so much because I need to or out of boredom? I can’t imagine I actually need to eat as much as I am because I am not actually doing anything.
The headaches are constant as my body adjusts to the changes, something that will take a few months to settle down and hasn’t been helped by the heavy air in the last week or so. Although evidence as to whether the air pressure affects headaches is mixed, I definitely think it does make a difference to me. I have a strange sensation where I can feel the fluid in my head moving, swooshing around with all the extra room. My whole body feels heavy and it’s an effort to just wander around the flat, I feel like I am dragging a heavy sack with me everywhere I go.
I’m not sure what the point of this post is. I know it’s very “woe is me” but I felt I needed to get it out there.