This time last year, I thought I was happy, at least as happy as I was ever going to be. Little did I know that things would come to a head and that by the middle of January my marriage would be hanging by a thread. Weeks went by were the husband and I didn’t talk to one another unless it was related to the practicalities of parenting; who was going to do the school run, bath-time, take him to the park.
Even thinking about that period now is painful and brings tears to my eyes. How close I came to losing my family, it pretty much broke me because it wasn’t something I wanted and yet it felt at the time like the only possible solution. I just couldn’t see how things could work out and for us all to be happy.
Changes were made.
2014 was the year I grew up.
I decided to stop drinking alcohol. I could never drink enough and I wasn’t particularly pleasant to be around whilst drinking or indeed after; I think a lot of my problems were connected to the way in which I drank, the reasons for drinking and my life has been immensely better since I stopped.
It was the year that I began to accept that I have seen myself through rose-tinted spectacles and realised what a truly wonderful family I have; a husband who has always been there for me even when I have pushed him away whether deliberately or not, sisters who love me despite my not being there for them and aunties and uncles who have done nothing but support me even if I have hidden the truth from them.
It was the year I learned to be honest. I never considered myself a liar but in not telling people the whole truth of a situation, I deny them the opportunity to offer the best help.
It was the year I learned to listen to my body more. My physical condition has deteriorated, the pain relief has been increased again and I finally purchased a walking stick. When we want to spend time together as a family outdoors, we go to places we know have benches for me to rest on and I make sure I have a quiet day or two lined up after. I accept that I cannot do everything and am grateful for the times I can be present for.
It was the year that Cheeky Chap started school. After a difficult start (which could have been a lot more difficult) and mornings of “But I miss you when I go to school mummy”, he settled in fantastically well and he has continued to make me beam with pride.
It was the year that I started a course of study through the Open University. To occupy myself, stretch myself, further my chances of returning to work.
2014 has changed my life, for the better. Of course it had it’s low points, as life generally does but on the whole it was a great year, one full of growth.
After reading this from Susannah Conway I thought I would quite like to work on choosing a word to guide me through the next year. I am looking forward to seeing what 2015 brings; I hope it brings a greater sense of direction for me, further security and a whole lot more fun.
What was 2014 like for you and do you have any hopes and dreams for 2015?