More and more recently I have been thinking about our decision to have “just one child” and I have questioned that decision. In recent months a lot of pregnancies have been announced in the blogging community and there have been a few births as well. Beautiful videos of announcements are shared and I watch how happy children get when they discover they are going to be a big brother or sister and I feel a pang, a guilt that it is something I am denying Cheeky Chap.
I feel like I have to justify our decision to just have one child. People always seem surprised when we tell them we are not planning any more children because Cheeky Chap is, for the most part, such a great kid to be around. He’s happy, polite, fun, kind and loving. For the most part he sleeps well (although that hasn’t always been the case and even now he is five years old we can still have issues getting him to sleep or staying in his own bed all night) and is well-behaved unless tired. Why wouldn’t we want another child?
For a start, just because we have an easy time with Cheeky Chap, that is no guarantee that another child would be just as easy. Every child is different.
With my health problems, which were brought to the surface through pregnancy, another pregnancy would no doubt impact my body even more and earlier. I was signed off from work due to SPD around half way through my pregnancy and I was pretty much bed-ridden a few short weeks later. Back then I only had myself to worry about and we lived on the husband’s work premises so he was able to check in on me and see if I needed anything. Now we have Cheeky Chap to think about as well and it would be him who would miss out the most.
I don’t know how my body would cope with another pregnancy or how I’d manage looking after a mobile baby or young toddler again, after all the husband ended up having to give up work for a number of years because I was simply unable to keep up with Cheeky Chap.
There’s also cost issue. Due to moving a few times and lack of storage space, we haven’t kept anything from Cheeky Chap’s baby days so we would need buy everything all over again. We would also need to move (eventually) as our flat is only two bedrooms, with the second one not being big enough for a cot and a bed or to use as a double bedroom.
However, while I get broody and have pangs at times, ultimately I am more than happy with “just” Cheeky Chap and I simply have no real desire or longing to have any more, which apparently makes me rather unusual among the female population. It’s not that I don’t want another necessarily, more that I don’t want another enough to put myself through years of pain again at a time when it has largely become more manageable, with the aid of strong pain relief, which is not advised while pregnant or breastfeeding. And while Cheeky Chap would love to have a sibling (and he has asked for one) he would miss out on an awful lot through me being pregnant and in the early months at least.
I do get broody when people announce pregnancies and births but ultimately I know we have made the right decision for us as a family and we are secure in that decision. I just wish I didn’t feel the need to explain myself often!
Is your family now complete? And if it is how did you know it was? I’d love to know.