Every night before I go to sleep, I get back out of bed and check in on Cheeky Chap. I’m not sure why but it is always these moments, when he is sleeping peacefully, that I notice how he has changed. They are moments I cherish. Moments that I often capture on camera. It doesn’t seem to matter how bad my day has been, if Cheeky Chap has misbehaved, if things just haven’t gone my way, it is these ordinary moments fill my heart. I genuinely feel a fresh and sudden wave of love come over me. It is one of my favourite times of day (and not just because my chatterbox son is quiet!).
I know how cheesy that sounds but it really is true. When I was drinking, I would so often drink to black out. Then I would come round, maybe a few hours later, maybe the next day often unable to remember if I put him to bed, or if I had checked in on him. Even in those early years I would check in when I remembered. I don’t think I felt the same rush of love I do now, drinking in the way I did dulls emotions. But whenever I came round and realised I hadn’t checked in the night before, I would feel guilty. Because it was always something I wanted to do and not doing felt like I had failed as a parent.
So now, checking in on Cheeky Chap has become and ordinary moment. Something I do as a matter of routine every day. It is something I enjoy doing and something that just feels right.